I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That accounts for only three of the penises
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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