thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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