True but thats because hes a fetus.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
