you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
