I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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