Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
