Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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