No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
