i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize