I accidentally burped into my bong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
