I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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