RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
