Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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