question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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