plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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