I cannot find my penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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