Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
