ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
