apparently the secret to your success is patron
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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