He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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