it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
