where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was confusing and full of hummus
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
