we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
