Just mADE A PArabola og urine
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
