Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it glows. i had to have it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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