Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
