youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
