I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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