She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
