I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
