I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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