in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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