well you can't waste a boner
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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