I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
that may or may not have been my penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize