I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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