Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
