I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
