Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
