He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
