It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
