i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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