I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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