He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
