Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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