i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
