lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
