Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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