I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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