I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
