How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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