you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
