Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
