shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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