That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
