its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
