is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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