She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
