no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize