Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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