it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
