Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm too high and old for this...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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