I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
