To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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