Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
