I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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