Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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