I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
