I wannas sexs uuuuu
babies were throwing up all over the place
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
