I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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