does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
