Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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