I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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