idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
4 words: hood of his car
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
